


Diamonds never leave you... men do!

by ladynoirose



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Chat Noir as Doug Judy, Day 4: Thief, F/M, Kagami as Rosa, Karaoke, Marichat May 2020, Marichat | Adrien Agreste as Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Marinette as Jake, Mentioned Alya Césaire and Nino Lahiffe, Mentioned Chloé Bourgeois, Mentioned Emilie Agreste, Police Officer Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Song: ...Baby One More Time (Britney Spears), THE B99 AU WE DESERVE, Thief Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:15:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24046510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladynoirose/pseuds/ladynoirose
Summary: “Hi, I’m Marinette Dupain Cheng and I have been taken as a hostage. Please, don’t try entering the building because the handsome masked man behind me will shoot me if you do.”A Brooklyn Nine-Nine AU based on the episode "The Negotiation".
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Kagami Tsurugi, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Kagami Tsurugi
Comments: 9
Kudos: 134





	Diamonds never leave you... men do!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic and my entry for Marichat May 2020 day 4: thief. Better late than never!  
> It's dedicated to my fellow marichat whores: Mel, Abril and Dani ♥ Ily! I hope you enjoy this!  
> Also a big thanks to Mel for being my beta reader, my soul is yours.

_“Diamonds have an image of purity and light. They are given as a pledge of love and worn as a symbol of commitment.”_ _— Peter Singer_

The bullpen seemed in total chaos as Marinette and Kagami made their way out of the elevator, but it was a common occurrence. What wasn't common was the way Kim jumped at the sight of them, almost screaming Marinette’s name. 

“What’s up with you? We only went out for lunch!” Marinette didn't appreciate her friend leaving her deaf. 

“There is a hostage situation in the seventy one and the hostage keeper is asking for you to negotiate, I have been calling you for the last hour!” 

Incredibly happy for what was happening, Marinette squeaked, “they asked specifically for me? I HAVE DREAMED ABOUT THIS!”

“You dream about negotiating in a hostage situation? I thought your dreams were about hamsters and I don’t know… scarves, that type of thing.” Kagami seemed worried, but Marinette definitely wasn't listening anymore, a dreamy look on her face.

“Who do you think it is? Oh- oh- how about my arch nemesis: Evillustrator?” she said, punctuating the last words with the movement of her hands. “No, no wait what if it is Volpina? Or…” 

She was silenced by Kim’s scream, “WELL, GO AND FIND OUT RIGHT NOW, TAKE TSURUGI WITH YOU!” 

That put Marinette into action.

“See you, Sarge.” 

***

“Hi, I’m Marinette Dupain Cheng. I have been requested to be the negotiator today. This is my partner, detective Kagami Tsurugi.” They were approaching the jewelry store that was being assaulted, scanning the multitude of police men surrounding the area, when a woman with olive eyes and brown hair blocked their way. 

“I’m Lila Rossi, tactical unit. I was supposed to be the negotiator today.” She seemed upset about losing the chance, directing daggers at Marinette’s skull. 

“Well, sorry for your loss, but we are actually trying to stop a robbery and save lives here so quit the pity party and inform us about what you know about this dude so Dupain Cheng can help.” Kagami certainly didn’t like this Lila chick. The brunette looked at her dangerously, but Kagami’s gaze didn’t falter. 

Lila gave in and started talking, “There are three hostages, the hostage taker seems to be only one, but we don’t know if he is operating with someone from the outside, that’s all I know.”

“Okay, that’s all I need,” Marinette said, determined. “Time to go in.”

*** 

“This is Marinette Dupain Cheng, I'm approaching the door, please remain calm.” Though, she didn't think a violent offender would have listened to her anyway. “I’m alone.”

Kagami was watching the situation unfold at a secured location close to the entrance of the jewelry store. Marinette finally entered. Inside, a tall, blond and muscular man with a black mask covering his green eyes received her, pointing a gun to the center of her forehead. 

“Hands up! Come closer to where I stand!” The raven haired woman immediately put her hands at the top of her head and closed the distance between her and the man, now being only two feet away from him. “Now, put your hands down and give me a hug, baby!” the blonde exclaimed enthusiastically. 

Marinette froze, recognizing him up-close.

“Chat?” 

*** 

Marinette couldn’t believe it. 

“Chat Noir, _what the fuck_ are you doing?” 

He put each one of his hands on his cheeks and then _pouted._ “Why are you being so weird?” He looked and sounded adorable saying that. That made Marinette angry.

“Why am _I_ being weird? You have hostages and you are robbing a jewelry store!” He didn't seem affected. 

“Waaaaah, so it’s gonna be like that?” The joking tone didn’t help his case.

“Of course it's gonna be like that, you told me you were reformed!” she stated, pointing angrily at his chest with her finger. 

“I _am_ reformed! Now, instead of stealing designs by the most famous brands in the world, I model for them. I met Logan Lerman!” That got Marinette’s attention and, for a minute, she forgot why she was angry in the first place.

“What was he like?”

“The best white boy in the world,” he said, completely serious. He was about to say something more, but was interrupted by a hostage, a woman who questioned Marinette, “I'm sorry, officer, you are friends with this criminal?”

Before Marinette could respond, Chat did it for her, “friends? Puffff… Pam, you got it wrong, we are _clearly_ in love. I was thinking about a summer wedding…” 

Marinette hit him on the shoulder, remembering why they were together in the first place. “Don’t distract me, stupid cat, you have three hostages here!” 

“What? Pam and the two Bobs? I like to call them collateral friends.” He seemed relaxed and didn’t flinch at her penetrating gaze. “Also, they are receiving a lot of money for being such cooperative _friends_ this evening, so, we are okay, right, guys?”

“Of course, Chat!” one of the Bobs exclaimed. 

“You are the man,” was Second Bob’s response.

“See? Everything is fine here…” He stopped when he realized Marinette’s face was only inches from his.

“Cut the bullshit, _Chaton_. What’s going on?” She seemed almost worried. He let out a sigh.

“I can’t lie to you, can I?” The ghost of a smile graced his face. “Okay, four years ago, before I came clean, I stole some designs for the wrong people. Do you know Marcia Faccini?” 

She did in fact know Marcia, as she was one of the most wanted mob bosses in all of Europe. “Oh, Chat…” realization blossoming on her face. 

He continued,“I was desperate for a job at the time, but when I realized who I was dealing with I wanted to disassociate as soon as possible, so I burned the copies, told her it was an accident… It was okay for a while, but she figured out I was the one who burned them _on purpose_ and cost her millions of euros so she wants me to bring her a bunch of diamonds from here to pay my debt.”

“But did you tell her you are reformed now? Did you tell her about Logan?” she said, earnestly searching for a way out. 

“I did! She said she doesn’t like the Percy Jackson movies!” He sounded almost as frantic as her. 

“I mean, who does?” 

“Shut up, Pam!” they exclaimed in unison, silencing the woman who dared to interrupt their very serious conversation.

“The point is,” Chat resumed, “that, if I don’t do this, she will kill my mom!”

“She can’t do that! I love your mom!” 

“I know! I love her, too! That’s why I have to do this. Trust me, if there was any other way, I would do it. I really wanted to take you on a date soon, I can’t do that if I become a delinquent again.” He looked so sad. She couldn’t bear seeing him so upset. Her kitty’s mom was in danger and Emilie had been nothing but kind to Marinette over the years. She wouldn’t allow that. There weren’t other motives for why she wanted to fix this, not at all— a date? What date?

“I think I have a plan.” He looked at her in awe. 

“Alright, let’s hear it.” 

“I think you should take the diamonds.” His eyes opened like saucers. “Hear me out! So, you take the diamonds, set up a meet up with Faccini, _but,_ in the meeting place, there are going to be various PPD officers waiting to capture Marcia; like so, the police gets the diamonds, the mob boss, and, if you _turn yourself in,_ you are gonna be out in like… two months, for your collaboration with the police. How does that sound?” 

“I mean… two months isn’t a lot. I can do worse.” He seemed resigned. “Anyway, anything for you and mom, I think we have a plan.” 

She smiled. She’s waited years for him, what’s two months more?

“Well, let me go out there. I’m going to communicate the situation to the rest of the team.” 

***

“Absolutely not.” She hadn’t thought about Rossi’s opinion. Marinette should have known better.

“But this is a great plan! Faccini is the most wanted criminal around here! Tell her, Kagami!” She pointed desperately at her friend.

“Marinette is right. This would be huge. And, last time I checked, you weren’t in charge of the operation.” That was the wrong thing to say, because Lila immediately became very furious.

“You clearly don’t know anything about negotiating! Negotiation is two liars lying to each other until one comes close to the window and _BAM_! The criminal is out, Nairobi style.” She seemed confident about it. “So, everyone activate Window plan!” Various officers went to their positions, snipers included. 

Immediately, Marinette panicked,“stop! Don’t do that! Take a nap instead, activate nap time!” 

Lila didn’t look happy.

“Maybe you are in charge, but you still need my approval to execute your plan and my answer is no.” She seemed proud and satisfied. Kagami looked like she was going to punch her face at any second.

***

“There will be no deal” she announced lamely. “And please refrain from the windows.” 

The two Bobs were playing some card game and Pam was busy napping. At first, Chat looked at her with concern in his eyes, but then…

“I think I know what to do.” He started to grin mischievously. “You said Kagami was here, right?” 

*** 

“Hi, I’m Marinette Dupain Cheng and I have been taken as a hostage. Please, don’t try entering the building because the handsome masked man behind me will shoot me if you do.” Every officer lowered their guns when they saw her. The woman was in the door of the store in plain sight, with her hands in the air in a placating way. Chat Noir was behind her with his gun at her lower back. “You heard the lady, don’t try anything funny.” They slowly retired to the inside of the jewelry store.

Once they were inside, Chat exclaimed,“that was fantastic” 

“I _know,_ right? I was so in the moment!” Marinette said enthusiastically.

“You were a great hostage.” 

“Aww, you were a great hostage taker!” 

“ _Bien joué_!” they said in sync. 

Outside, Lila was having the time of her life. Finally, she would be the negotiator, she just needed a good sniper and then…

“I’m willing to negotiate, but I will only speak to Kagami Tsurugi.” Kagami looked at her with a rare smile on her face.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

*** 

Kagami approached the open door of the store and saw Chat Noir with Marinette in his arms. She was doing a poor job of trying to act more afraid and less like a lovesick fool.

“Gamiiiii,” Chat almost screamed. “It's so good to see you! How are things with Chloe?” He let go of Marinette and went for a hug.

But instead of hugging, Kagami kicked the living daylights out of him. “Things are great, thanks for asking. Now tell me, what the hell is going on?!”

“Woah, I’m trying to help him, relax,” Marinette tried to sooth her friend. 

“Do I have to remind you who he is? This thing with you two is like that story my mom used to tell me when I was little, he is a scorpion! And you are the poor little frog that helps him cross the river and then he stings you and then you both drown!” 

“Excuse you! I would have you know, I’m clearly a cat,” Chat said, pretty offended. 

“Accept it, Marinette, I love you, but life shaped you into a naïve little frog,” Kagami continued, ignoring him.

“I’m no frog! I’m more like-like… a ladybug! Yeah, a ladybug!” She seemed determined about it. “But please, Gami, his mother is in danger, can you help us? Pleaseeeeee.” They both put their best puppy faces. 

She gave in.

“Fine. Only because I love your mom.” She looked at Chat. “So, what’s the plan?” 

He grinned. “Oh, that’s easy. We only need some pizza.” 

*** 

Kagami went outside to put the plan into motion. Meanwhile, the two of them sat on a desk far away from the windows, per Marinette’s request.

“You didn’t tell me Alya and Nino are going to get married.” She sounded happy, but annoyed at the same time. “They are my friends, too, you know.”

“You are a pretty difficult person to contact without getting caught.” He did have a point. “She asked me if you wanted to be her bridesmaid, I’m the best man.”

“I would be honored.”

“Great! That means we can practice walking down the aisle!” He wiggled his eyebrows, insinuating. She rolled her eyes.

“Oh! We could match!”

“Yeah! You could design us something! How do you feel about French grey?” 

“Oh, I love it! A grey tie for you and I could give my dress a… oh.” She seemed to realize something. “Is it soon? Because maybe you’re still gonna be in jail.”

“Damn, I forgot about that.” 

*** 

“What is this old man doing here?” Lila exclaimed, patience thin. 

“I told you, the hostage keeper demanded a bunch of pizzas, he said he and the hostages were hungry.” Meanwhile, Kagami was helping Fu accommodate all types of boxes and bags for him to carry.

“He has experience with delivery. Fu is gonna save us a handful of time”, Kagami clarified.

“That’s right! I can carry triple of what your other boys can,” the man assured Lila. 

“Fine, but I want to know what’s happening inside, we are gonna put a secret camera on him,” Rossi conceded.

*** 

“Guys, my glasses have a camera in them, but they can’t hear you, it doesn’t have audio,” Fu informed them as soon as he went in.

“That’s great!” Marinette responded discretely from her spot, tied alongside the Bobs and Pam. They had thought about this. 

“You didn’t bring pepper for the pizza?!” Chat exclaimed, almost scandalized.

“There is no time for that! Although, Fu, I can’t believe you didn’t bring pepper. Who raised you?” Marinette was getting distracted, she needed to regain focus.

“Okay, are you ready to do what you do best?” she questioned the older man.

“Of course, setting my heart to stop!” And with that Fu fell to the floor like a corpse. 

Outside, Lila and Kagami watched how their vision of the interior of the store glitched and finally stopped working altogether. 

Chat contacted the police, “I’m sorry, but it appears your man has had a heart attack, someone call an ambulance!” 

***

Outside was caos. The siren of the ambulance made everyone more nervous. At the same time the paramedics were transporting Fu’s body (with the head covered?) from the store to the ambulance, the hostages exited the building, too. That seemed like a distraction. Lila was livid. She approached the stretcher in fury. 

“He isn’t Fu! That’s Chat Noir trying to escape!” She moved the blanked from his face and came to find Fu smiling up at her.“Hello there!” 

“What?!” was Lila’s response. “Why did you cover his face?” She looked at the paramedics for an answer. The one closer to her responded with a quiet “we couldn’t find a pulse” 

“Yeah, it's very weak!” Fu added helpfully. 

Two streets from there, Marinette and Chat Noir were walking calmly, dressed in police officers uniforms, a bag of diamonds in his hand. They merged with the hundreds of police people guarding the scene. 

“I have to admit, kitty, that was great! Putting the uniforms inside the boxes of pizza? Brilliant!”

“What can I say? I have my moments.” 

They went to a karaoke place. Chat said the owner was his friend and he would never give him away. Both entered a private karaoke room, full of screens with purple walls and orange decorations. On one side, there was a big and fancy couch and, next to it, was a crystal table. 

The blond took out his phone to contact Marcia. “I got the diamonds, let's meet,” he read out loud as he typed. “Well, that’s done! Now, we wait.” 

They were sitting in silence for about five minutes when Marinette spoke,“it would be dumb being here and staying still like statues, right?” 

“True, true, true, true…” 

“What if we….”

*** 

They were in the middle of the chorus when Chat’s phone rang. 

“My loneliness is killing meeeee-Oh, wait! It’s Faccini!” Chat stopped singing. “She said we should meet at Fallon Street at five pm.”

“That’s great.” Marinette was about to move when Chat stopped her. “We have an hour and a half before the meeting and the place is not far from here so…”

“So…” She responded, beginning to smile. 

“MY LONELINESS IS KILLING MEEEE,” Chat started singing. 

“AND I, I MUST CONFESS I STILL BELIEVE,” Marinette not far behind. 

“STILL BELIEVEEEEE!”

“WHEN I'M NOT WITH YOU I LOSE MY MINDDDDD!”

“GIVE ME A SIGNNNN!” 

***

In a dark alley, Chat Noir and Faccini’s jeweler were conversing. Well, Chat Noir was conversing, the other man was ignoring him and checking if the diamonds were legit. Marcia Faccini wasn’t an idiot and both Marinette and Chat knew she would check if the diamonds were real before presenting herself at the scene. 

“Has anyone told you you are the most interesting man on the planet?” The jeweler spared Chat a glance, but didn’t say anything. “You get that a lot?” The man finished inspecting the diamonds and made a signal to the black car parked meters away, before leaving Chat alone and entering the car.

“Okay, I get it, we are not friends,” The black masked man said mostly to himself. Seconds later, Marcia Faccini in all her splendor walked out from the car. 

“Hello, gorgeous.” Although Marinette didn't appreciate her tone, she was happy everything was going according to the plan. They were so close! In a matter of minutes, they would… 

“Freeze where you are.” _Fucking. Lila. Rossi._

“Rossi, what the fuck are you doing?” Marinette was about to stab her on the spot when she saw Faccini trying to escape. “EVERYONE MOVE, NOW!” All the hiding officers surrounded Marcia, effectively capturing her and the jeweler who was still in the car.

“I knew you would help that little shit,” Lila spitted out. 

“You almost ruined the whole operation!” Marinette was being restrained by Kagami, who looked like she would rather be the one trying to murder Lila. The first paused. “Wait a minute, where is Chat?” she said, spinning her head to look everywhere. 

“I think he tricked you again and ran away with the diamonds, LIKE I TOLD YOU HE WOULD!” her friend answered, smug. 

As if on cue, Marinette’s phone began to ring.

“Hello, princess, this is goodbye.” Marinette deflated. 

“Damn it, Chat! I can’t believe you used the love I have for your mother against me!” she screamed, furious. 

“I love that you love her.”

“Of course I do! She is a living saint!” 

“Awoman! But seriously, I wanted to thank you, you saved her life.” Marinette let out a grunt, still pissed. “Look, I found myself alone with the diamonds and, next thing I knew, I was robbing a car to escape,” he tried to explain his behavior. 

“But I thought you said you wanted to be clean,” Marinette protested, when actually she wanted to scream _‘what about our date?’_

“Yes, but I can’t miss Alya and Nino’s wedding, they are like my siblings.” 

“Are you seriously giving me a clue of where you are gonna be?” She didn’t like to think about what she would do with that information. 

“I guess Gami is right, I am not a chat after all, I’m a scorpion,” he changed the subject, resigned. 

“Shut up, I know you are a Virgo,” she tried to convince him.

“I’m sorry I can’t be the man you want me to be.” He sounded half playful, half devastated. She couldn’t have that. 

“Stop being so romantic! You make me want to kiss you. Now, turn around and come back to me, you fool,” was her last try. 

He cut the call.

“HE FUCKING HUNG UP ON ME!” Marinette turned to her friend, who heard half of the conversation. “Now is when you tell me everything's gonna be okay.” 

Kagami narrowed her eyes.“No, now is when I tell you ‘I TOLD YOU SO!’ You naïve little frog!” 

*** 

Kim informed her that the council was still debating what punishment she would receive because of her actions. True, she helped to imprison one of the most powerful mob leaders of Europe, but a bunch of diamonds of high value went missing in the process. Maybe she would face a suspension, but Marinette was very afraid this would ruin her career forever. Just as Kim finished talking with her, she received a text with a private karaoke room invitation. 

*** 

“Hi, I’m here because a _friend_ sent me this invitation.” A blue haired man received her in the front desk. She showed him the text. 

He smiled. “Oh, yes, come with me.” He guided her to one of the rooms. “They already picked a song for you.” And, with that, the man vanished. 

She observed the room and discovered it was identical to the one they were in earlier. A video started playing in one of the bigger screens, projecting Chat with a confident grin. A green screen configured to show the desert was behind him. 

“What’s up, princess?” Video-Chat (pun intended) winked. “I thought about it and the truth is that I did you dirty.” He seemed ashamed, but immediately recovered his grin. “I know better than to do that to my future wife, I don’t want to cause you any trouble.”

“I don’t see a ring on my finger, you stupid cat!” She paused. “I _mean,_ I’M NOT YOUR FUTURE WIFE!” was the fast correction. She was blushing as she screamed. 

“Yeah, this is a pre-recorded video so I can’t actually hear what you are saying.” Marinette was blushing very hard now. How did she not notice? “But I hear you in my heart, so, I know what you were thinking… I think we should have a summer wedding, too!” He smiled bright and she seemed about to explode, a deeper red tone flooding her cheeks. 

“Anyway, I started a new life in San Diego,” he continued. 

“Dumb of you, telling me where you are,” Marinette mumbled. 

“I’m not in motherfucking San Diego, babe, I thought you knew me better than that.” He laughed. She didn't know how he knew what she was going to say.

“So, I have a feeling that we are going to meet soon.” She really hoped that was true. Chat wasn’t finished. “And who knows… maybe I will put a _diamond_ on your finger in a short time, too, but, in the meantime, look at the little purple bag that is on the table at your right.” 

She hadn’t noticed the bag before, maybe because of its size. She picked it up and looked at what was inside.

“OH MY GOD, CHAT! THE FUCKING DIAMONDS! I knew I could trust you, kitty!” she whispered the last part, touched. 

As if he could hear her, the man responded,“I’m no scorpion; I’m a cat, thank you very much. And I would _never_ drown your adorable ladybug butt.” 

She started to design her wedding dress in her head, something colorful to go with the season; summer was so full of colors and…

“You know, I paid for a full hour of the room. So…” Video- Chat interrupted her train of thoughts, his pixel eyes shining.

Marinette eyes gleamed. 

“So…”

“HIT ME, BABY, ONE MORE TIME!” Pixel-Chat and Marinette sang together. 


End file.
